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Hillbilly Medical Terms

Benign ................ What you be after you be eight.

Bacteria ............... Back door to cafeteria.

Barium ................. What you do with dead folks.

Cesarean Section ....... A neighborhood in Rome.

Catscan ................ Searching for the cat.

Cauterize .......... Made eye contact with her.

Colic ............... A sheep dog.

Coma ............... A punctuation mark.

D&C ................ Where Washington is.

Dilate ............. To live longer than your kids do.

Enema ............. Not a friend.

Fester ............ Quicker than someone else.

Fibula ............ A small lie.

G.I.Series ......... World Series of military baseball.

Hangnail ........... What you hang your coat on.

Impotent ........... Distinguished, well known.

Labor Pain .......... Getting hurt at work.

Morbid .............. A higher offer than I bid.

Nitrates ............ Cheaper than day rates.

Medical Staff ....... A Doctor's cane, sometimes shown with a snake.

Node .................... I knew it.

Outpatient .............. A person who has fainted.

Pap Smear ................ A fatherhood test.

Pelvis ................... Second cousin to Elvis.

Post Operative ........... A letter carrier.

Recovery Room .... Place to do upholstery.

Secretion ....... Hiding something.

Tablet .......... A small table to change babies on.

Seizure .......... Roman emperor who lived in the Ceasarean Section.

Terminal Illness .... Getting sick at the train station.

Tumor ............... More than one.

Urine ............... Opposite of mine.

Varicose ............ Near by.

Hospital ............ The biggest building in town, other than Ed's feed warehouse.

Women are clever

Dedicated to Pooky, Sheila, Tabitha, and Kristen

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes." The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes -- that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!"

The woman said, "That would be okay," and for her first wish she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to."

The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me." So, KAZAM - she's the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you."

The woman said, "That will be okay because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So, KAZAM - she's the richest woman in the world!

Then the frog inquired about her third wish and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them!

I wonder what he feeds it?